Overcoming Shyness

Almost everybody feels shy at one time orsimply avoid any social situations that might
another.trigger their discomfort. This may mean turning
In fact, only about 7% of the population claimsdown invitations to parties and other social
that they never feel shy. For the rest of us,events, crossing the street in order to avoid
shyness can range from being an occasional,running into someone they know, and even
minor inconvenience, to being a major problem.turning down promotions at work.
Some people are afflicted with a degree ofAlthough avoiding the feared situation may seem
shyness so severe that it is almost disabling. Thisto the shy person like the perfect solution, it
type of acute shyness is not only very painful toactually makes the problem worse in the long run.
experience, but it can have devastating effectsEvery time a shy person chooses to avoid social
on a person's social life, happiness, and career.interaction, he reinforces in his mind how much he
Severe shyness is a complex mix of biology,fears dealing with other people. By choosing the
upbringing, traumatic experiences, and negativeshort-term benefit of avoiding his anxious feelings,
self-talk. Severe shyness can co-exist with otherhe reinforces the power that his fear holds over
debilitating psychological conditions such as lowhim
self-esteem, perfectionism, depression andPsychologists who specialize in the treatment of
anxiety.shyness disorders have discovered that avoiding
Extreme shyness can take many forms, and cansocial situations can actually make the problem
show up differently in different people. Someworse.
very shy people have problems being in largeMany psychologists who treat people aflicted by
gatherings, yet they may feel comfortable in smallshyness recommend a program of repeated and
groups. Some shy people only feel acutegradually increasing exposure to the feared
discomfort with persons they have just met,situation, combined with helping the client learn
while others are never comfortable aroundnew ways of thinking.
people, even those they have known a long time.In some cases, certain prescription medications
People who suffer from severe shyness oftencan help control the feelings of extreme anxiety
end up very lonely, may never marry, and havethat they experience when they are around
few friends.others.
Psychiatrists and psychologists use the termIf your shyness is very severe, you can benefit
"social anxiety disorder" to describe extremelyfrom seeing a therapist who has proven
debilitating shyness. There isn't completeeffectiveness in successfully treating shyness. Not
agreement about whether severe, disabling socialall forms of psychotherapy have been proven
anxiety disorder is simply a more severe type ofeffective in treating shyness.
shyness, or whether it is another type of disorderThose forms of therapy where the patient relives
altogether.past traumas and digs deeply into past
Some very shy people are able to overcomerelationships are not particularly helpful for
their fears by learning better social skills andovercoming shyness.
practicing them frequently in social situations. ManyThe types of therapy that seem to have the
also find it useful to gain some measure of controlbest track record for overcoming shyness are
over their uncomfortable physical reactions suchcognitive therapy and behavioral therapy.
as sweating and trembling, by using specialBoth of these types of therapy concentrate on
relaxation techniques and bio-feedback training.dealing with the present, and teaching the patient
One way that many people who are very shynew ways of thinking and behaving when they
choose to deal with their social anxiety is toare around others.