| Mary was the office manager for a large | | | | find a way to motivate her. For example, many |
| construction company - and with her keen eye | | | | of us find it easier to get motivated to do |
| for detail, she ran a tight ship. She had the | | | | something when we understand why it's |
| respect and loyalty of both her employer and her | | | | important for us to do it. Helping her to see the |
| staff - but when her boss cajoled Mary into | | | | bigger picture in this way will help a little. |
| taking on his daughter Bianca for a university | | | | "It would also be beneficial if you could organise a |
| work placement, things rapidly began to slide | | | | mini-appraisal with her. Ask her how she's enjoying |
| downhill. | | | | the job and what would make it better from her |
| Bianca was an only child and the apple of her | | | | perspective. You could also get her to think about |
| father's eye. Mary felt that her boss had a | | | | how she's fitting in with the rest of the team. You |
| blinkered view of Bianca's abilities and privately, | | | | could also take the opportunity to find out what |
| she felt that the young woman had a "Princess" | | | | her career aspirations are - and give her some |
| attitude. | | | | guidance as to the kind of behaviours she'll need |
| Fed up with having to remind Bianca to follow | | | | to exhibit if she's going to succeed." |
| office procedure - and aware that the others in | | | | Mary nodded slowly, seeing the sense in my |
| her team were being negatively affected by her | | | | suggestions. But I hadn't quite finished. I had an |
| airs and graces - Mary had turned to me for help. | | | | ace up my sleeve. |
| Clearly Mary felt that she was in a no-win | | | | I continued, "The key to successful |
| situation. Admitting that she'd never have | | | | communication is to reinforce the behaviours you |
| recruited Bianca in the first place, she also knew | | | | want! When Bianca does something right, praise |
| that her boss wouldn't take kindly to her | | | | her. When she gets it wrong, make as little fuss |
| complaints about his daughter. But she could also | | | | as possible. As humans, we like to fit in and be |
| see that she was rapidly beginning to lose | | | | praised - so subconsciously, we choose to do |
| credibility with the rest of the team, who | | | | more of what wins us praise and less of what |
| expected Mary to sort things out. | | | | doesn't. All the time that you're nagging at Bianca, |
| I asked Mary what irritated her most about | | | | she's ignoring what you're saying because it |
| Bianca. "Well," she replied, "she's lazy, she won't do | | | | doesn't feel good! Reinforce her positive |
| the mundane tasks that we all have to do and | | | | behaviours and without realising why she's doing it, |
| she seems to think that we're lucky to have her. | | | | you'll start to see her attitudes changing." |
| But I'm sick and tired of having to nag her to do | | | | Mary promised to give it a go - recognising that |
| simple tasks." | | | | perhaps she had little other choice. But when we |
| It was an educated guess, but I suspected that it | | | | caught up for a coffee and a chat a couple of |
| was the nagging that was making a bad situation | | | | months later, she was almost evangelical! |
| worse. "I can so understand why you feel the | | | | "I could never have believed that I could make so |
| need to remind her what needs to be done," I | | | | much difference in someone else," Mary had told |
| said, "but perhaps she can't understand why you | | | | me. "While it felt uncomfortable for me at first - |
| want her to do these tasks. And maybe she's | | | | especially as I didn't feel that Bianca actually |
| pretty thick skinned and has simply learned | | | | deserved any praise - I did my best to focus on |
| throughout her life that if she doesn't do | | | | the behaviours I wanted from her, rather than on |
| something, in the end someone else will do it for | | | | those that I didn't want. The results have been |
| her!" | | | | almost miraculous. And I knew I'd got it right |
| Mary looked cross. "Well, I hope you're not going | | | | when Bianca's father - my boss - took me out |
| to start making excuses for her!" | | | | for lunch week to thank me for teaching his |
| "Certainly not," I replied. "But understanding what's | | | | daughter how to be more professional at work. |
| going on is the first step. Now all we need do is | | | | |