| Mary was the office manager for a large | | | | it easier to get motivated to do something |
| construction company - and with her keen eye | | | | when we understand why it's important for us |
| for detail, she ran a tight ship. She had | | | | to do it. Helping her to see the bigger |
| the respect and loyalty of both her employer | | | | picture in this way will help a little. |
| and her staff - but when her boss cajoled | | | | |
| Mary into taking on his daughter Bianca for a | | | | "It would also be beneficial if you could |
| university work placement, things rapidly | | | | organise a mini-appraisal with her. Ask her |
| began to slide downhill. | | | | how she's enjoying the job and what would |
| | | | make it better from her perspective. You |
| Bianca was an only child and the apple of her | | | | could also get her to think about how she's |
| father's eye. Mary felt that her boss had a | | | | fitting in with the rest of the team. You |
| blinkered view of Bianca's abilities and | | | | could also take the opportunity to find out |
| privately, she felt that the young woman had | | | | what her career aspirations are - and give |
| a "Princess" attitude. | | | | her some guidance as to the kind of |
| | | | behaviours she'll need to exhibit if she's |
| Fed up with having to remind Bianca to follow | | | | going to succeed." |
| office procedure - and aware that the others | | | | |
| in her team were being negatively affected by | | | | Mary nodded slowly, seeing the sense in my |
| her airs and graces - Mary had turned to me | | | | suggestions. But I hadn't quite finished. I |
| for help. | | | | had an ace up my sleeve. |
| | | | |
| Clearly Mary felt that she was in a no-win | | | | I continued, "The key to successful |
| situation. Admitting that she'd never have | | | | communication is to reinforce the behaviours |
| recruited Bianca in the first place, she also | | | | you want! When Bianca does something right, |
| knew that her boss wouldn't take kindly to | | | | praise her. When she gets it wrong, make as |
| her complaints about his daughter. But she | | | | little fuss as possible. As humans, we like |
| could also see that she was rapidly beginning | | | | to fit in and be praised - so subconsciously, |
| to lose credibility with the rest of the | | | | we choose to do more of what wins us praise |
| team, who expected Mary to sort things out. | | | | and less of what doesn't. All the time that |
| | | | you're nagging at Bianca, she's ignoring what |
| I asked Mary what irritated her most about | | | | you're saying because it doesn't feel good! |
| Bianca. "Well," she replied, "she's lazy, she | | | | Reinforce her positive behaviours and without |
| won't do the mundane tasks that we all have | | | | realising why she's doing it, you'll start to |
| to do and she seems to think that we're lucky | | | | see her attitudes changing." |
| to have her. But I'm sick and tired of having | | | | |
| to nag her to do simple tasks." | | | | Mary promised to give it a go - recognising |
| | | | that perhaps she had little other choice. But |
| It was an educated guess, but I suspected | | | | when we caught up for a coffee and a chat a |
| that it was the nagging that was making a bad | | | | couple of months later, she was almost |
| situation worse. "I can so understand why you | | | | evangelical! |
| feel the need to remind her what needs to be | | | | |
| done," I said, "but perhaps she can't | | | | "I could never have believed that I could |
| understand why you want her to do these | | | | make so much difference in someone else," |
| tasks. And maybe she's pretty thick skinned | | | | Mary had told me. "While it felt |
| and has simply learned throughout her life | | | | uncomfortable for me at first - especially as |
| that if she doesn't do something, in the end | | | | I didn't feel that Bianca actually deserved |
| someone else will do it for her!" | | | | any praise - I did my best to focus on the |
| | | | behaviours I wanted from her, rather than on |
| Mary looked cross. "Well, I hope you're not | | | | those that I didn't want. The results have |
| going to start making excuses for her!" | | | | been almost miraculous. And I knew I'd got |
| | | | it right when Bianca's father - my boss - |
| "Certainly not," I replied. "But | | | | took me out for lunch week to thank me for |
| understanding what's going on is the first | | | | teaching his daughter how to be more |
| step. Now all we need do is find a way to | | | | professional at work. |
| motivate her. For example, many of us find | | | | |